"So they said..."

It goes away after awhile

It will all pass in time

So they said.

It gets easier in time

Time heals all

So they said.

Don’t worry

In time you’ll forget them

So they said.

What no one told me…

Was that my heart would never be the same

Because while there are enough orphans to line the entire circumference of the earth

There’s only one of each of them..

Just as there’s only one of each of us

No one on this earth is replaceable

You are fearfully and wonderfully made

So He said. 

"Don't be a volunteer unless..."

I found myself standing in a concert venue that used to be an old church and a new friend asked me what I was doing during my time in Zambia.

For the first time without even really thinking, I simply said, “Loving.”

In previous conversations I may have said assisting at health clinic, teaching, feeding children…this time – for reasons unknown to me, I simply said, “Loving”.

For the past few years I have read numerous articles and watched videos on why “International Volunteerism” is bad or the conditions in which must be in place if someone is interested in volunteering internationally. As something that I feel passionate about - I wanted to know the criticisms, the opposite view points...

Just to name a few things people say and write about:

“Don’t be a volunteer unless you are a trained professional…doctor, nurse, teacher, etc.”

“Don’t be a volunteer unless your donations & funding will help the organization in the long run.”

“Don’t be a volunteer unless you plan on moving and living there your whole life.”

All of these statements, articles, and videos about the harmful effects of volunteering internationally are well thought out and sometimes valid points…and yet the most common stream following all of these article revolve around the cost of the trip for the volunteer vs. the cost of the benefits received by the country receiving the volunteer. Using money as the final judging point.

But when you think about who or what has changed your life most – who or what do you think of?

Oftentimes - someone very inspiring, motivating, and hopefully someone extremely LOVING.

I  know the person who has changed my life the most is someone who has shown me unconditional LOVE – Jesus. And the relationships in my life where people are striving to love as Jesus loves. It is the relationships that we form that change lives – and the most loving relationships are often the ones that encourage us to be better, stronger, and allow us to appreciate ourselves and others.

If I were to reply to a professionally written article about “Don’t be a volunteer unless…”

I would simply state this one line:

“Don’t be a volunteer unless you are willing to let yourself be loved and to love.”

The loving relationships one has the potential to form when volunteering internationally can change many lives – including the life of the volunteer – in most instances, more than any amount of money, clothes, food, water, shelter, medicine…it’s sad when such essentials are given without love.

I am beyond blessed by God for the extremely loving relationships begun in Zambia.

My prayer is that people who are seeking to volunteer internationally aren’t discouraged by articles, videos, and criticisms about why volunteerism is bad or harmful – and they set their eyes on Christ – the source of all love – and allow themselves to take a leap of faith and volunteer – to be vulnerable to be loved and to love.

 

Thank You Jesus.

As I gaze outside the frosted window and the snow is gently falling to the ground, it’s hard to believe one week ago I was boarding a plane to leave the beautiful sunny land of Zambia. My time in Zambia as a Dominican Volunteer was filled with a bundle of blessings – joyful and challenging times. Before departing from Zambia, one of the Sisters asked what the “Golden Thread” was throughout my experience. I am blessed to say the golden thread for me was “Gratitude.”

My heart is filled with gratitude. For the opportunities and experiences made possible by DVI, the sending community Dominican Sisters of Peace in Columbus and receiving community Dominican Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heard of Jesus in Zambia.

Sometimes God gives us opportunities that are far beyond our wildest dreams, past our deepest desires. It’s in these moments He gets our attention to teaches us some of the greatest lessons about life and about His love for us. My experience leading up to my departure to Zambia, my time spent in Zambia, and now upon my return – I am experiencing God in ways I have never expected. My heart has been forever changed by the country, the people, the experiences and the challenges.

My prayer is for future volunteers to be open to hear God’s call and to be flexible for the Holy Spirit working in their lives and in their mission. My prayer is for the volunteers to have a heart of courage and compassion – for the ability to hear the whisper of God’s voice amidst loud voices in this world.

May DVI and all the Sisters who accompanied and supported me in this journey be forever blessed in their vocations – may they be filled with deep peace and joy in serving God and His people.

Love for Family

Anytime someone says to me, “What you do is SO great – you are such a wonderful person – ….and on and on” - complementing me on who I am and what I am doing….I think of my family.

You may not know this and you may not even care, but I am far from the girl I was 5 years ago...I have a LONG way to go before I the woman I aspire to be...but I am far from who I used to be...

Thanks to my family.

When I went off to Ohio University at the tender age of 18, I was looking forward to 4 years of learning, growing, and fun. But the pressures of college combined with personal struggles quickly shot down my excitement about college and I found myself in a dark place.  I left college and returned home after my first two quarters – thanks to the wise advice from my sister Karen and loving concern of my parents.

In a time of great darkness, God graced my family to be a candle lighting my way back to life.
My family puts up with me, through my hard times, sad times, bad times, scary times and even more so – they see the worst side of me that anyone in this world has seen – yet they choose to love me anyways.

This light and love of my family is the REASON I am even here in Zambia today or the REASON I get out of bed in the morning – because God blessed me with the greatest family I could have asked for…I am far from perfect...and they aren’t perfect – but God knew they would be perfect for me – and we are perfect for each other…

Anytime I receive a complement or kind remark about me or my life choices – I offer it up to God ask Him to bless my dear family – who has seen me at my absolute worst– who pulled from the depths of darkness – and loved me anyways.

I pray God blesses my entire family for teaching me how to love..by their example of how they freely give me  and each other endless love.

Thanksgiving: Grateful for Negative Malaria Tests

Wednesday night was another bout of: stomach pains, headaches, dehydration from vomiting and diarrhea…general body weakness. I am grateful Sr. Gabriella is a most wonderful care taker here at the convent. I am grateful three others Sisters came in to check on me or greet me before they left for work. I am grateful Sr. Kabule brought me pink roses and a get well card. I am grateful Sr. Gabriella and Sr. Latifica brought flowers and a Happy Thanksgiving card!

I am grateful I was taken to KAVU Health Centre where many of my friends work. I am grateful that upon arrival I am greeted with a warm welcome by two my dearest friends Banda and Sam. I am grateful I was taken to a nice room. I am grateful there was a toilet in the room even if I failed to flush it properly. I am grateful for the care Sr. Elizabeth provided and the medicine graciously given. I am grateful for the negative malaria tests.

I am grateful for a good friend not minding handling my stool culture….

I am grateful for the two German volunteers, Jan and Felix coming to visit to provide comic relief. I am grateful for the doctor taking time to help me figure out why I am sick. I am grateful for Sam bringing fruits and clean water and spending time with me. I am grateful for Sr. Christine and Sr. Stephania bringing me chicken and potatoes (my thanksgiving meal). I am grateful for the bed to lie on and blankets to hover under. I am grateful for the visit by Sr. Rosemary and cracking jokes as always…

As I rode home in the car with Sr. Gabriella, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift of sickness. Had I not gotten sick – I wouldn’t have seen so many of the people I love here in Zambia on this Thanksgiving.

I am reminded of St. Therese and her “Little Way” and took great delight in being thankful today for all the little things: for toliets, for clean water,  for flowers, for medicine, for a bed to rest on, but most of all, thankful for the wonderful company God has blessed me with and the prayers everyone is blessing upon me.

I am grateful to have ended the day being able to communicate on Skype with family and friends.

Thank God for the gift of negative malaria tests and unknown sicknesses.

"I Will Never Leave You Orphans"

If God can do anything –why are there even orphans in the world?

Well – from my understanding – God doesn’t cause evil or suffering – humans do. Evil exists in the world because of the fall in the Garden of Eden. Evil exists as a result of a void of love.

But why or how can two parents leave their child abandoned into the hands of strangers?

Usually – for reasons that are caused by evil which lead the parents to suffering – I believe one reason people still cause other people suffering is because they themselves don’t feel loved –they feel unloved and wounded.

If two parents are full of love for their child – will they not lay down their life for that child?

Yet – in order to do so – in order to be full of love – parents must know how loved they are – they must know of the Father’s unfailing love – so that this love may overflow onto their children and those around them. It’s not easy – it’s not simple – but when people know how loved they are – they are willing to lay down their lives for anyone.

Jesus was only able to die on the cross because He knew what great love the Father bestowed upon him. We have evidence Jesus knew of this great love when he cried out, “My God – why have You forsaken me?” In order to have felt forsaken – it means Jesus must have felt the unfailing love of His Father.

And we have seen what a love like this can do – this kind of love can compel one person to radically change the world – to lay down his life for the entire world.

May we all know what great love the Father bestows upon us and may this love overflow from us onto the whole world. May we know we will never be left or forsaken by Our Father in Heaven.

 

Slavery Still Exists...

On Wednesday was celebration of Zambian Independence Day at Natwange Community School – each class in grades 1-9 performed either a song, sketch (skit), or dance to celebrate independence.  They were all very entertaining– the one that struck me – was the one prepared by grade 9…

They were reenacting some of the things that the British used to make the Zambians– for example – the British used to make the Zambians carry them on their back and to walk very far distances for “transportation”,  they also used to chain up Zambians and make them carry other heavy equipment, among other things too uncomfortable for me to write about…as I sat there and they narrated what was going on – I noticed how they chose to use the word “white person” instead of British. As I was sitting there listening – I realize the fact that those are my European ancestors – in whom I am somehow connected to. How can evil like this occur? I remembered how this evil has happened and occurred in my own homeland….and is still happening in many ways today.

I think for the first time – I let myself feel deep sorrow for all types of slavery – not just in Zambia  – if we don’t reflect on these things – they will happen again – and there isn’t only one form of slavery – there’s a million forms of slavery – we can even enslave our family and friends – we can enslave those in our love relationships. Are we all truly free? Because we should be! We were bought at a price in the blood of Christ – so we should all live in freedom as children of God. Are we enslaving anyone around us by not forgiving them? And are we letting things of this world enslave us?

My prayer today is for freedom – for all people – in the whole world – in every way – to be set free from all things that drag them down. We are called to freedom brothers and sisters – God’s sees no color – we are all covered in His blood – no matter what race, color, ethnicity, gender, appearance – we are all connected to each other – let’s treat each other with respect and dignity so that all people can live in the freedom Christ has intended for them.